Be an Advocate in Divorce for Your Child

advocate in divorceIf you are involved in a divorce involving children and you have a desire to be an advocate in divorce for your child you need to read forward because the direct, straightforward route is not the way you may think. When you get in the arena of divorce and emotions and court, your advocacy may be taken wrong. The more you love, the more you can get the short end of the stick for you and your child.

If I want to be an advocate in divorce for my child, how could things go wrong?

  1. Coaching: It wouldn’t be the first time that a precocious child got accused of being coached by one person or the other in a dissolution. The worst part of the entire thing is that the better educated your child is and the better able they are to express their emotions, the more likely they are to be accused of the dreaded coaching. The best advise to tell your child, male or female…young or old is to tell the truth.
  2. The Boob: Yes, your child could be playing the both of you. A divorce creates a situation where trying to be an advocate in divorce can put you in direct cross hairs for getting played. Your little guy is more savvy than you may realize. He or she may be playing you and your ex against each other. Don’t discount this possibility.
  3. Myopia: You may not be seeing the forest for the trees. No matter how much you think you are right and you know what is going on, your child may be acting for reasons you can’t even begin to comprehend. Seek, at every place to gain perspective. You may think your child is just being difficult when they are desperately seeking to protect another parent. Make sure you have the total story.

If you want to be an advocate in divorce for your child, the best advice is to try to see things without you being the main character. It seems like you are the main character, you are getting the divorce. Yet, if you want to see things the way your child sees them, place them as the main character for a little bit so that you can feel the feelings, even  if they are odd and strange, that they may be feeling. Then, once you get the feeling of seeing through that new perspective, discuss your child’s reality with them. Honor their perspective and their feelings even if it is not what you want to hear. That sort of open perspective leads to compromises that can be hashed out in mediation sessions. Despite seeming harsh obstacles, mediation can bring about outcomes that work for the best of your family, no matter how unique.

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